Friends, 2024(X) was supposed to be the year that eXplorminate rebounded, re-found its glory, and began taking over the internet. That didn’t happen.
Instead, I suffered a pretty serious mental health break early this year. Put bluntly, I fell apart.
I can name all of the reasons here, but none of them matter. I could see it coming, I could feel my mental health slipping, and then it all came crashing down.
I’ve worked in a very, very stressful profession, policing, for some time now, and before that, I was a paramedic. Then my best friend as an adult, my father, passed in 2023.
More work stressors piled up and then my wife decided to call it quits. And that broke me. I’m ashamed to say that I soon had the worst night of my life. I won’t go into details, but I embarrassed myself, my family, and those closest to me.
I admitted myself to a mental health retreat and began working on the many triggers and poor behaviors associated with them that plagued my mental health. I had reached rock bottom.
Many months have passed since, and I’m finally starting to see a future again. I’ve been in therapy, rather intensive therapy, since, and for the most part, I feel better. Much better. But 20 years of trauma doesn’t just heal in a year.
That being said, I’m finally ready to reinvest my time into eXplorminate. I have been playing a lot of ZEPHON, so I’ll have a review ready soon. Beyond that, I want to start discussing topics related to the genre, stuff like “what the genre needs,” what’s working for it, what isn’t, and revisit a variety of mechanics introduced to the genre through different games and dissect and discuss them. Maybe even a “Frankenstein 4X” that would incorporate my favorite elements of a variety of 4X games into one.
We’ll see.
I’d like to offer any would-be authors an opportunity to write for us. I can offer authors free games through game keys, but not much else since my revenue isn’t what it used to be. We can discuss other arrangements, if need be, including monetary compensation, so please email me at rob.honaker@eXplorminate.org
I’m sorry, 4X fans. eXplorminate isn’t what it used to be and I’m deeply disappointed by that. But we’re not done. I’m not done.
I’ve been knocked down, but I’m getting up again. Slowly, but surely.
Rob founded eXplorminate in 2014 as his passion for 4X needed an outlet. You can find Rob in just about every 4X game beta and 4X game forum, too. He’s equally obsessed with the strategy and tactics genres and constantly combs the internet for new and exciting titles in those genres. He’s proud to be a member of Amplitude Studios’ VIP program and the concept creator of Endless Space 2’s Unfallen.
No need to apologize. Your well being is more important. So sorry to hear things got so bad. Glad to hear things are improving.
This is a very courageous post, thank you for sharing. eXplorminate is one of my favourite information feed when looking for strategy games reviews and I know how hard it is to maintain for you and your team. I’m very glad you are back and can’t wait to read the next articles. Peace
Thank you for this update and I appreciate that this is not easy and can be scary.
You are leading a very good example for us all, thank you.
Just keeping the discord in place so us 4x fans have a common place to be is gold and I thank you for it.
As I get older (yes, I played Civ I when it came out) I am nearly completely focused on 4x gaming, so Explorminate is the only place I fell at home.
Your fan and Patreon supporter. Again, Thank you Rob for all you have done.
Thank you for sharing. You are not alone. Therapy is hard. Sharing is hard. Know that even in your rock bottom you are not alone.
You have built a community, one that is notorious for its patience and tolerance for a slow and hard process. Take your time, find your pace.
Everybody has a bad patch once or twice in their life. This was yours. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and you’ll be fine.
I truly hope your passion for 4X/Games gives you moments of freedom from the things in life that we struggle through. Keep strong and moving forward, even when there are steps back, and the community you built will be here.
You can do it, mate. It’s not how many times we get knocked down that defines us, it’s how many times we dust ourselves off, get back up and keep going.
Well done for your progress so far. Keep going and stay strong 🙂
Best wishes Rob
Being a police officer must be really tough. At least you know what your hobby is, and it doesn’t involve drugs, gambling, or other such vices, I assume. Take care and heal slowly day by day. Really appreciate all you have done for us here at eXploreminate! Keep exploring!
Rob,
Your health is the most important thing and I wish you a full recovery an much less stressors in 2025. We are living in very hard times, but we have a community here, which is heartwarming and the best possible escape from what is happening around us. Playing the 4X games we love and sharing it with our friends.
Merry Christmas and all the best for the New Year!
Jivko
I’ve lost a parent I was very close to, and suffered in ways similar to you. We in the community appreciate you very much, and we know you’re doing your best. Thank you, Rob. We’ve got your back.
Oh wow, that was indeed a tough year. I’m sorry to hear about all the things that led to it and the impacts it has had. It takes courage and strength to face these and seek help, so it speaks to your character that you managed to do so and are on a better path now.
I wish you all the best for your next steps. And no need to apologise for putting yourself first in difficult times. Most of us have it at some point in our lives.
Keep on exploring. Not just games but life and its joys.
Keep on Keeping On my friend. Take care of yourself and looking forward to more reviews and videos.